-Introduce the idea of how fastskins are faster than traditional competitive swimsuits through previous results and statistics of the 2008 Olympics
-Use a video of a world record from the 2008 Olympics as a piece of evidence of that trend
-Explain how these sort of suits are "Somewhat banned"
-Go into explanation that some suits are banned whle other, not so "pwerful" suits are not banned
-Expain that fastskins should be either entirely banned or not banned at all - main idea
Body Sections
1st Section Main Idea - 2008 LZR Racer
-Explain what the LZR Racer is to the audience how in the span of a year, more than half of the world records set by previous athletes were broken in a single year
-Furhter elaborate that almost all of the records were done by athletes wearing this suit
-Show the trailer for the LZR suit that explains the technologies of the suit better than I will (not the whole video, because that would be bad for copyright purposes)
-Explain that FINA, the main organization behind regulations in swiming banned not only the 2008 LZR suit, but all full-body fastskins for male athletes
-Explain that the reasoning behind this was the number of new records
-Further elaborate that not all fastskins wer eelimated by this regulation, just some of the vest oines at the times
2nd Section Main Idea - Present Day Fastskins
-Use a montage of competitve swimming events as a reference to how a pleathora of fastskins are used today in all sorts of swimming competitions since they're faster than conventional practice suits
-Explain that FINA hasn't made a regulation since the one they made in 2008
-Further elaborate on the number of swimming companies that make different suits has greatly increased the variety of fastskins available on the market.
-Show my opinion that since there are so many fastskins on the markey, why not reintroduce the full-body suits
-Evidence in that the records set by these suits have not been removed (some of them still stand today)
- Compare techonolgies of today and the banned suits
-Bring up NASA argument that the suits only enhance the athlete themselves, rather than the suit making itself the sport.
-Explain that the sport is only unfair if not everyone has access to a certain suit
-Fuirther elaborate on the variety of fastskins, making even full-body suits a personal athlete chioce
3rd Section Main Idea - The Use of Fastskins in non-official competitive swimming
-Expain that there is a lot of sompetitive swimming outside of professional swimming events nad college swimming (USA Swimming is the largest sporting organization in the United States as of 2016)
-Discuss why the variety of fastskins may affect this sort of competition
-Not everyone will have access to the best technologies
-Only fair if everyone used the same type of swimsuit
-This idea also works on the professional level, since the technologies involved in the suit become a constant throughout the sport
-Explain that this could be a different category of swimming that isn't affiliated with times set by swimmer that used fastskins.
Closing Section
-Reintroduce the previous results that fastskins have created
-Emphasize how important the times these suits made were
-Reintroduce the variety of swimsuits and how some swimmers don't have the same access to such technologies as other athletes
-Conclude with main idea of 3rd section
Hello Jackson, your outline is developing well in terms of organization. You clearly outline your paper in a sensible and logical way. Starting with an example of a fastskin, then delving into what they are, and then go into how they are used is probably the most logical way to discuss this topic. However, I feel like you must pick a certain stance on fastskins. For example, you should take a stance on whether you want them banned or not. This would bolster your arguments and your credibility because you wont seem so flip floppy.
ReplyDeleteNot picking a certain side in this debate doesn't go along with the rhetorical situation. You need to pick a side and an audience to write to in order to make an effective paper.
You have a wealth of knowledge about this topic, this is very clear. However, it would be advantageous to include hyperlinks to your sources and such because it makes your outline easier to digest.
Your outline is on a great start, and with the amount of knowledge you showed, my fixes should be very easy for you to execute.
Hey Jackson,
ReplyDeleteYour outline was well thought out and organized. Every claim has evidence and the evidence you have is already in depth. This will be easy to execute come production.
The only revision I would make to this outline is to include specific sources of information and line them up according to which claim it backs up. I would also include a bit more rhetorical analysis in terms of addressing all aspects of the project's rhetorical situation in the outline.
Other than that, it is solid, the argument is laid out in it's entirety. Good job!
Jackson,
ReplyDeleteYour outline seems to be quite developed. You clearly understand how you need to exhibit the evolution of the fastskins. Your outline is ceratinly developed in terms of content.
There is, however, something I would suggest working on. For one, I would explain what fast skins are in greater detail. This is because you'll have a wider range of audiences than just a swim coaches.
I also recommend you include exact pieces of evidence so the reader understands exactly what your'e referencing. Because without this it seems like all of these facts are coming from thin air.
Another portion of your outline that needs work is its rhetorical situation. Not just the audience part, but you need to consider how to persuade people to side with you. This is usually accomplished through the use of pathos. Although emotion actually discredits an argument, most people's emotion will rule over their reasoning factor.
Overall, great job. Just work on the evidence and rhetorical situation.
Jackson!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the strict organizational structure and flow of logic present in your outline, it really made it easy to follow and understand. Also, I appreciated your attention to detail and the depth of certain parts of your outline. With that being said, I do feel that there are a few things you could tweak to really make this outline shine, check them out in my review here: http://ipass4zona.blogspot.com/2016/04/peer-review-for-jackson-starmer.html