Peer Review for Rashaan Malik

I peer reviewed Rashaan's introduction for his college essay; you can find it here.

Content Suggestion:\
I actually really liked this introduction. It's certainly eye-catching, especially with the myriad of numerical statistics included in the section (300 million people, 158th largest nation, etc.). A quick question actually, I the number of 3.4 billion representing the number of people in the world seems kind of random, especially since the world's population is definitely larger than that. I just don't know where you got the number from. If I had to recommend one thing in particular, it's that you didn't really introduce why the whole thing was a controversy; all that's given is that the controversy exists. I feel as though adding some sort of introduction for information in the body paragraphs. Other than that, I think that your introduction is very solid.

Explanation:
I feel as though Rashaan's introduction is really solid, but lacks any sort of information about his topic as a whole. So I felt as though recommending introducing why the controversy existed was a good idea, especially since it would help with explaining why the controversy was so controversial in the first place. If there was anything I learned from this piece of content, it's that I feel as though I need to make my introduction for eye-catching like Rashaan's. The first sentence hooked me right away, and I feel as though my own piece is missing this.