I'm going to refer to my project, which can be found here
Specifically, I'm going to be talking about :30 - 2:30
Here's what I plan on adding into the clip (I would if Blogger would let me post it, but I feel as though describing it will suffice for now).
-Background music, I feel as though every second I hear that background hum is just adding another level of annoyance to my brain. I really don't like the background static, so maybe I can blur it out with music, I might use the same song I used in my video essay
- when talking about middle school, I'm going to play one of my old projects in the background, not sure which one yet
- Clean up the stuttering in my voice
I feel as though this should be enough editing to clean up the podcast enough for it to be in the final cut
In respect to the content, I'm only going to add in some ambiance and possibly a previous project in order to present my ideas better. Therefore, I'm pretty sure my content will remain unchanged
The form of my podcast is going to go from only my voice to some music and some other sources such as my previous project. I feel as this will diversify the podcast so that it's not just listening to my narration for a long time; it will become more appealing.
Friday, May 6, 2016
Editorial Report 15a
I'm going to refer to my project, which can be found here
Specifically I'm going to be talking about the time frame from 0:00 to 0:30
I feel as though the raw audio for this bit is fine, but I do want to add in some extra clips so that the audio is more or less, appealing. I don't want my project just me talking into a microphone for 8 and a 1/2 minutes.
Here's what I plan on adding into the clip (I would if Blogger would let me post it, but I feel as though describing it will suffice for now).
- "-and type as many pages as I can with as many fancy words and complex sentence structures that I can think of" will feature me the sounds of me furiously typing away on a mechanical keyboard for the sake of ambiance"
- after "simultaneously splurging on YouTube" will contain the sound clip of "Here in my garage"
- "slapped me across the face" will have slapping effect in the background
I feel as though for that small section those edits should be enough to make the podcast not just my voice.
In respect to content, the portion of the podcast isn't changing at all; the narration and voice over will remain unchanged.
In respect to form, I am changing the podcast from just a voice over into an actual project by adding in extra audio clips so that the podcast is more than just my voice. I feel as though this is going to add in some depth to my project so that it isn't just flat narration.
Peer Review for Brady Thomas
I peer reviewed Brady's podcast about his self-reflection, which can be found here.
Peer Review:
Let me start out by saying that you really have a good grasp on the circumstances that surround your writing process. Your opinions and standpoints on things like the interviews and you position as a freshman in college was something that never really occurred to me, and I feel as though it's really unique for this topic. I think that this is probably the best part of your project; keep the current audio, it's really good.
One thing I wish your narration did have was a bit more focus on the genres themselves. From the perspective of a dictionary definition, the self-reflection is supposed to be about your writing process, and that includes how much time the different genres take. Well, at least from my perspective that's what affected my writing process the most. This may be different for you, and, if so, then it's definitely okay to keep your project as is.
In conclusion, I like it as a rough cut. You really seem to know what you're talking about and what you learned from these project and college in general. I definitely think that the final cut is going to end up really well done.
Personal Thoughts:
I feel as though I wasn't too much help to Brady since his podcast was really good, it just bare bones since it's only him talking right now. Of course, he needs extra audio so it's not just him talking into the mic for 11 minutes, but it's not my position to choose what he needs to do for that portion of his project. I don't want to mess with what Brady thinks this project will look like.
I incorporated the use of genre in this peer review since I feel as though Brady didn't touch on it too much. It's not necessarily the most important aspect of the podcast, but I do feel as though mentioning the constraints of different genre is important for sure.
I probably learned that Brady's podcast seemed for personal than mine. My podcast was mostly just a event-by-event explanation of why my writing process was altered, but Brady's seemed more real. It's something I respect about his project for sure.
Peer Review:
Let me start out by saying that you really have a good grasp on the circumstances that surround your writing process. Your opinions and standpoints on things like the interviews and you position as a freshman in college was something that never really occurred to me, and I feel as though it's really unique for this topic. I think that this is probably the best part of your project; keep the current audio, it's really good.
One thing I wish your narration did have was a bit more focus on the genres themselves. From the perspective of a dictionary definition, the self-reflection is supposed to be about your writing process, and that includes how much time the different genres take. Well, at least from my perspective that's what affected my writing process the most. This may be different for you, and, if so, then it's definitely okay to keep your project as is.
In conclusion, I like it as a rough cut. You really seem to know what you're talking about and what you learned from these project and college in general. I definitely think that the final cut is going to end up really well done.
Personal Thoughts:
I feel as though I wasn't too much help to Brady since his podcast was really good, it just bare bones since it's only him talking right now. Of course, he needs extra audio so it's not just him talking into the mic for 11 minutes, but it's not my position to choose what he needs to do for that portion of his project. I don't want to mess with what Brady thinks this project will look like.
I incorporated the use of genre in this peer review since I feel as though Brady didn't touch on it too much. It's not necessarily the most important aspect of the podcast, but I do feel as though mentioning the constraints of different genre is important for sure.
I probably learned that Brady's podcast seemed for personal than mine. My podcast was mostly just a event-by-event explanation of why my writing process was altered, but Brady's seemed more real. It's something I respect about his project for sure.
Open Post to Peer Reviewers
Hey all, you can find my rough cut here.
Honestly this is a pretty bare bones cut, I honestly just left as my narration and then I'm going to add in some extra stuff. Of course, I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to add in since this is just a reflection on my own writing process, but I'll figure that out when I get to it.
Something I know that's good about my podcast is the layout. I feel as though talking about my progression from project to project is a good format. I really feel as though it fits well into this genre.
Of course, something I know that bad about the podcast right now is that it's just my voice for 8 and a 1/2 minutes talking about my previous experiences. Not really very interesting is it. I also know that my voice isn't exact the best suited for this type of genre; I stutter every once in a while. I plan on incorporating other audio clips into the project, but for the rough cut, I felt as though just the raw presentation would get me the best feedback.
Either way, tell me what you think. I can handle brutal honest. In fact, I would respect it if you were brutally honest with me.
Honestly this is a pretty bare bones cut, I honestly just left as my narration and then I'm going to add in some extra stuff. Of course, I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to add in since this is just a reflection on my own writing process, but I'll figure that out when I get to it.
Something I know that's good about my podcast is the layout. I feel as though talking about my progression from project to project is a good format. I really feel as though it fits well into this genre.
Of course, something I know that bad about the podcast right now is that it's just my voice for 8 and a 1/2 minutes talking about my previous experiences. Not really very interesting is it. I also know that my voice isn't exact the best suited for this type of genre; I stutter every once in a while. I plan on incorporating other audio clips into the project, but for the rough cut, I felt as though just the raw presentation would get me the best feedback.
Either way, tell me what you think. I can handle brutal honest. In fact, I would respect it if you were brutally honest with me.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Production Report 14b
In this section I discuss the challenges I had with Project 3, especially the production process
Original Draft:
My third project was quite the brute to produce. I was very familiar with the technical suits I was presenting on, but oh my lordie dear the actual production phase was the worst. First off, my rough draft became unusable; a certain video program that shall remain unnamed splattered a giant watermark over my entire video after my trial version ended. My rough cut became unusable, so I had to quickly some up with a new rough cut. It wasn't too hard, just so much work. I eventually got the whole project together after a couple of wasted hours.
I had around 45 minutes left until he drop box closed on D2L when I finished my project. However, I couldn't upload the project in time because of the wonderful power of University of Arizona WiFi. My video essay took too long to upload, and this point I was just furious.
I suppose the biggest thing I learned from this experience is to always prepare for the worst. Situations I didn't plan for came up and hindered the progress I had made on the project; I'll take this experience as a lesson and be better prepared next time.
Revised Draft:
My third project was quite the brute to produce. I was very familiar with the technical suits I was presenting on, but oh my lordie dear the actual production phase was the worst. First off, my rough draft became unusable; a certain video program that shall remain unnamed splattered a giant watermark over my entire video after my trial version ended. My rough cut became unusable, so I had to quickly some up with a new rough cut. It wasn't too hard, just so much work. I eventually got the whole project together after a couple of wasted hours.
I had around 45 minutes left until he drop box closed on D2L when I finished my project. However, I couldn't upload the project in time because of the wonderful power of University of Arizona WiFi. My video essay took too long to upload, and this point I was just furious.
I suppose that I should of planned for these types of occurrences. I'm a pretty easy-going guy, so I often create trouble for myself. More often than not I just deal with my mistakes and move on. No point in reflection in that aspect. However, technical issues like this were not my mistakes or the mistakes of others; it was an error.
I suppose the biggest thing I learned from this experience is to always prepare for the worst. Situations I didn't plan for came up and hindered the progress I had made on the project; I'll take this experience as a lesson and be better prepared next time.
I used a script to present my raw material since the final audio cut of my project is not yet ready. Thus, I used a really bare bones script in order to present my information. I kinda of want to have my podcast be organized, but still have some sort of free reign in respect to what I'm going to talk about. Thus, I'm using this script as just an outline.
How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
The production of this raw material went fine. I kind of have an idea on how my podcast is going to look and sound. Thus, I followed my content outline and create a nice loose script that I could use for my final project.
Production Report 14a
This part of my script is focused on my first Project, which is about the Math Wars. It was a QRG, and I kinda talk about my opinions on choosing this project.
Original Script:
I always like thinking about "food for thought" when it comes to these self-reflection things. I always ponder whether I could've done x better, or maybe I took too much time on y, or maybe the reasoning behind z was a flat out lie. I don't know, I like looking back in an anti-nostalgic way to the past I suppose, but I feel as though this is really applicable to the Math Wars QRG I made.
First things first, I want to say that I'm a Bachelor of Science Mathematics Major; this means I am aiming for a degree from the college of science. The other path a math major can take is the Bachelor of Arts path. This is a one-way ticket to becoming a math teacher for the middle school or high school level. For my project, I actually had to choose something from the Bachelor of Arts area, since I couldn't find anything remotely usable in my own major.
Call me a hater, but a mathematician's innate trait to question everything really brought quite the pain in respect to finding a good topic. Like, Mathematician A could argue that the number 0 is actually nothing, while Mathematician B could argue the number 0 has a value. The screwy part is that in they're both right by logical reasoning. Thus major "controversies" are just pondered and no actual action really occurs.
Thus the Math Wars, regrettably, became my topic for Project 1.
Just as a footnote, I suppose I should mention that I in no way hate the topic of the Math Wars or anything similar in that area. I just would've liked to pick something more up my alley.
Revision:
I always like thinking about "food for thought" when it comes to these self-reflection things (McDonalds I'm Lovin' It sound clip plays). I always ponder whether I could've done x better, or maybe I took too much time on y, or maybe the reasoning behind z was a flat out lie. I don't know, I like looking back in an anti-nostalgic way to the past I suppose, but I feel as though this is really applicable to the Math Wars QRG I made.
First things first, I want to say that I'm a Bachelor of Science Mathematics Major; this means I am aiming for a degree from the college of science. The other path a math major can take is the Bachelor of Arts path. This is a one-way ticket to becoming a math teacher for the middle school or high school level (Play Key & Peele Audio). For my project, I actually had to choose something from the Bachelor of Arts area, since I couldn't find anything remotely usable in my own major.
Call me a hater, but a mathematician's innate trait to question everything really brought quite the pain in respect to finding a good topic. Like, Mathematician A could argue that the number 0 is actually nothing, while Mathematician B could argue the number 0 has a value. The screwy part is that in they're both right by logical reasoning (Say Something, What Audio Here). Thus major "controversies" are just pondered and no actual action really occurs.
Thus the Math Wars, regrettably, became my topic for Project 1.
Just as a footnote, I suppose I should mention that I in no way hate the topic of the Math Wars or anything similar in that area. I just would've liked to pick something more up my alley.
How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
Original Script:
I always like thinking about "food for thought" when it comes to these self-reflection things. I always ponder whether I could've done x better, or maybe I took too much time on y, or maybe the reasoning behind z was a flat out lie. I don't know, I like looking back in an anti-nostalgic way to the past I suppose, but I feel as though this is really applicable to the Math Wars QRG I made.
First things first, I want to say that I'm a Bachelor of Science Mathematics Major; this means I am aiming for a degree from the college of science. The other path a math major can take is the Bachelor of Arts path. This is a one-way ticket to becoming a math teacher for the middle school or high school level. For my project, I actually had to choose something from the Bachelor of Arts area, since I couldn't find anything remotely usable in my own major.
Call me a hater, but a mathematician's innate trait to question everything really brought quite the pain in respect to finding a good topic. Like, Mathematician A could argue that the number 0 is actually nothing, while Mathematician B could argue the number 0 has a value. The screwy part is that in they're both right by logical reasoning. Thus major "controversies" are just pondered and no actual action really occurs.
Thus the Math Wars, regrettably, became my topic for Project 1.
Just as a footnote, I suppose I should mention that I in no way hate the topic of the Math Wars or anything similar in that area. I just would've liked to pick something more up my alley.
Revision:
I always like thinking about "food for thought" when it comes to these self-reflection things (McDonalds I'm Lovin' It sound clip plays). I always ponder whether I could've done x better, or maybe I took too much time on y, or maybe the reasoning behind z was a flat out lie. I don't know, I like looking back in an anti-nostalgic way to the past I suppose, but I feel as though this is really applicable to the Math Wars QRG I made.
First things first, I want to say that I'm a Bachelor of Science Mathematics Major; this means I am aiming for a degree from the college of science. The other path a math major can take is the Bachelor of Arts path. This is a one-way ticket to becoming a math teacher for the middle school or high school level (Play Key & Peele Audio). For my project, I actually had to choose something from the Bachelor of Arts area, since I couldn't find anything remotely usable in my own major.
Call me a hater, but a mathematician's innate trait to question everything really brought quite the pain in respect to finding a good topic. Like, Mathematician A could argue that the number 0 is actually nothing, while Mathematician B could argue the number 0 has a value. The screwy part is that in they're both right by logical reasoning (Say Something, What Audio Here). Thus major "controversies" are just pondered and no actual action really occurs.
Thus the Math Wars, regrettably, became my topic for Project 1.
Just as a footnote, I suppose I should mention that I in no way hate the topic of the Math Wars or anything similar in that area. I just would've liked to pick something more up my alley.
How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
The form really wasn't changed in respect to the script (considering that the script wasn't changed), but I the revised version uses some audio clips that I've come across over my years scavenging the internet for juicy memes. In respect too the form of the podcast, the addition of third party audio clips could help the podcast stray away from just being ten minute "song" that only has my voice. Just a little touch of ambiance could go a long way in terms of the project.
How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
The production of the script went fine. I feel as though I'm pretty set in respect to reflecting on my past work. There weren't any challenges, and I've actually started the recording process. The recording process has actually gone quite smoothly as well.
How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
The production of the script went fine. I feel as though I'm pretty set in respect to reflecting on my past work. There weren't any challenges, and I've actually started the recording process. The recording process has actually gone quite smoothly as well.
Production Schedule
Production Schedule for Reflection
5/2/2016 - 5/4/2016 - Work on the script for the podcast
5/5/2016 - 5/6/2016 - Find external audio clips that will fit into the podcast
5/7/2016 - I read the script into a microphone
5/8/2016 - Editing the podcast and finalizing the project
5/2/2016 - 5/4/2016 - Work on the script for the podcast
5/5/2016 - 5/6/2016 - Find external audio clips that will fit into the podcast
5/7/2016 - I read the script into a microphone
5/8/2016 - Editing the podcast and finalizing the project
Content Outline Week 14
Just a quick note, I'm doing the podcast, so I'm not exactly planning on following a sort of "standard essay form" for this project. My podcast will definitely be scripted, but I feel as though sometimes when I'm talking, I get good ideas or think of something extra that could be helpful in explaining my topic. Thus, I feel as though my content outline is going to be more of a grid for my project rather than an absolute outline
Content Outline
Introduction
- Introduce myself (Hi!)
- Introduce what my project were
- Quickly explain why I chose these projects and their corresponding topics
- Quickly overview how I found some change in my writing process from the different genres for this project
Body Paragraph Area
Section 1: Project 1 - QRG on the Math Wars
- Explain my lack of topics
- Explain why I chose the Math Wars as my topic for the QRG
- Overview on Pre-production
-Use blog posts as evidence of struggles during pre-production
- Explain procrastination and why I'm masochist for embracing this category
- Further explain triumphs of procrastination
- Cite good examples from my QRG on what I was proud of
- Cite examples on my QRG on what I wasn't too proud of
- Overview on my (lack of) editing process
Section 2: Project 2 - Essay with Interviews
- Quickly explain why I struggled with my topic
- Explain the illogical writing process behind logical notation
- Further elaborate on the struggles with context for my target audience
- Talk about the Interviews
- Use audio from interviews as evidence of successes
- Further elaborate on the interesting perspectives of the two interviewees
- Writing Process on the essay
- Use blog posts and essay as proof of my writing process
- Show compromise on how I presented my information
Section 3: Project 3 - Video Essay on Swimming Technical Suits
- Talk about a little history between swimming and I
- Maybe play some audio of my swimming, I dunno. I was on TV and stuff sometimes, depends on how the podcast plays out
- Explain why choosing my topic was a bad idea
- Talk about the compromise I made in regards to my topic (use early blog poss to show change)
- Talk about history with video essays (DLC)
- Explain the multitude of issues with production
- Show watermarked rough draft
- Resist attempt to curse out the wifi at UA
- Talk about finished product, and how I felt about it
Conclusion
- Explain how my easy-going nature created a multitude of issues
- How I compromise to work through my problems
- Conclude reflection on my projects
Content Outline
Introduction
- Introduce myself (Hi!)
- Introduce what my project were
- Quickly explain why I chose these projects and their corresponding topics
- Quickly overview how I found some change in my writing process from the different genres for this project
Body Paragraph Area
Section 1: Project 1 - QRG on the Math Wars
- Explain my lack of topics
- Explain why I chose the Math Wars as my topic for the QRG
- Overview on Pre-production
-Use blog posts as evidence of struggles during pre-production
- Explain procrastination and why I'm masochist for embracing this category
- Further explain triumphs of procrastination
- Cite good examples from my QRG on what I was proud of
- Cite examples on my QRG on what I wasn't too proud of
- Overview on my (lack of) editing process
Section 2: Project 2 - Essay with Interviews
- Quickly explain why I struggled with my topic
- Explain the illogical writing process behind logical notation
- Further elaborate on the struggles with context for my target audience
- Talk about the Interviews
- Use audio from interviews as evidence of successes
- Further elaborate on the interesting perspectives of the two interviewees
- Writing Process on the essay
- Use blog posts and essay as proof of my writing process
- Show compromise on how I presented my information
Section 3: Project 3 - Video Essay on Swimming Technical Suits
- Talk about a little history between swimming and I
- Maybe play some audio of my swimming, I dunno. I was on TV and stuff sometimes, depends on how the podcast plays out
- Explain why choosing my topic was a bad idea
- Talk about the compromise I made in regards to my topic (use early blog poss to show change)
- Talk about history with video essays (DLC)
- Explain the multitude of issues with production
- Show watermarked rough draft
- Resist attempt to curse out the wifi at UA
- Talk about finished product, and how I felt about it
Conclusion
- Explain how my easy-going nature created a multitude of issues
- How I compromise to work through my problems
- Conclude reflection on my projects
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Peer Review 13a
I reviewed James' essay, which can be found here. James' essay is probably one of the more interesting one's that I've read, especially since it's main points center around UA college sensation, Brother Dean.
Form Suggestion:
Considering that this is your final cut, I feel as though it's going to be difficult finding opinions on the standardized form of an essay. An essay format is usually pretty straight forward: double-spaced, nice font, paragraph form and a works cited page. There is absolutely nothing out of place here in respect to form. If anything, I feel as though the title and heading should be more spaced out, but that's just a personal preference that I indulge in. Overall I also liked the content in your essay. You bring up good points about previous events that can relate to Brother Dean's situation and you display your argument with confidence. I really do think this is a good essay; a good enough essay that I don't think anything really needs to be changed.
Personal Reflection:
I feel as though from reading James' essay, I could've explained my claim in a much clearer fashion. James' essay was very clear in respect to what it's purpose was. I feel as though my project was sorely lacking that quality.
Form Suggestion:
Considering that this is your final cut, I feel as though it's going to be difficult finding opinions on the standardized form of an essay. An essay format is usually pretty straight forward: double-spaced, nice font, paragraph form and a works cited page. There is absolutely nothing out of place here in respect to form. If anything, I feel as though the title and heading should be more spaced out, but that's just a personal preference that I indulge in. Overall I also liked the content in your essay. You bring up good points about previous events that can relate to Brother Dean's situation and you display your argument with confidence. I really do think this is a good essay; a good enough essay that I don't think anything really needs to be changed.
Personal Reflection:
I feel as though from reading James' essay, I could've explained my claim in a much clearer fashion. James' essay was very clear in respect to what it's purpose was. I feel as though my project was sorely lacking that quality.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Reflection on Week 13
What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
I finished the video essay; that's my success. It's not the prettiest project, and it certainly isn't the best project, but I feel as though it's above adequate. In the case surrounding my project, the fact that I was able to finish the thing was a great success story. You'll find out why in the challenges section below.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
This question is more like, "Hey Jackson, what went wrong this week?", for this week. My answer is "EVERYTHING!" My rough cut ended up having a giant watermark over the entire thing since the trial version for the movie program I was using ended. So I had to start from scratch. Making the project itself wasn't too bad since I had a good idea what the rough cut used to be, but uploading the thing was impossible because University of Arizona WiFi has less connection than a hermit living in a mountain range. I couldn't upload my video to the dropbox on time, even though I gave the video 40 minutes to upload on time (it's only a 7 minute video too), but it ended up taking 55. Then, after that, I tried uploading the video onto YouTube 3 times, only having the project finally upload on the third try (still unknown reason on why that happened). Lastly, the version I uploaded ended up having the videos I used becoming still frames, so I had to re upload a fourth times in a lower quality; the video finally came out fine, but it was way too late to turn it in on time.
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
This is the last week with this video essay, and comparing how the end of this week went, I feel as though next week is going to be a godsend.
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
I feel as though my grade is going to take a slight hit just because of errors that I couldn't help. I guess that's just life, but boy is it frustrating. To sum up my thoughts, I'm pretty mad about the circumstances surrounding my project, but there's no use crying over spilled milk.
Editorial Report 13b
Old Version:
Newer Version:
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
Newer Version:
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I pretty much kept the old version the same, but added in extra music and webcam commentary to give extra insight about the topic at hand. I felt as the content in the old version was very stagnant and need more information to help elaborate on what my topic was about. So, I added in some commentary that didn't really match any images or videos online, but was better suited to myself talking to the viewer directly. Music was also a nice touch
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
Originally, the video was just a couple of pictures and videos of the history of swimming with my commentary over it. But, I revised it so that there was my physical presence in the video, along with some ambiance (in this case, an very lull instrumental in the background). In terms of form, I broadened the type of content that the video essay could provide. In the old version, I only had pictures, my voice, and a video sequence. But in the new version, I had pictures, my voice, my actual presence, giving the voice some more life, some music, and a video sequence. The diversity really changed the form of this content, and changed it for the better.
Editorial Report 13a
Old Version:
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I added in my own literal image and music into the video. I didn't really change anything in the old version, I just added in extra commentary, which included introducing myself and some background about why swimmer is such a taxing sport, but it feels like the project is more complete.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
I added in music into the video. Honestly, having the video just be a commentary with no "background noise" was quite a pain to watch when I was going through into my final cut, so I added in an instrumental track that added a lot of more character into the video. It was a slight detail, but I felt as though my video was a lot more appealing.
Revised Post for Peer Reviewers
Video can be found here (too big to fully upload on Blogger):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ9D-YlMcD8
Here's my perspective on my project:
First of all, I would like to tell you how much I struggled getting this thing together. My old rough cut ended up receiving this GIANT watermark over the center of the video, so I ended up having to toss the old video and starting from scratch. I didn't know this would happen, so the final cut is sort of hastily put together. I'm still pretty proud of it, but I think there are some shortcomings.
- My point of argument isn't too clear, I focused too much on the background surrounding the issue
- The music is only one track. It's a good track, I love the instrumental, but it almost seems distracting due to it's repetitiveness
- There are some audio issues and some slight background noises in certain parts of my video (that AC unit where I was recorded is just BARELY audible)
There are definitely smaller issues with the project, but overall I'm just glad the whole thing came together and I got to get my point across. If I had to praise one thing I did well, it's that I feel as though my information is really well researched. I feel as though I know exactly what I'm talking about in this video essay, and subsequently, I feel as though my point will get across a lot easier because of it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ9D-YlMcD8
Here's my perspective on my project:
First of all, I would like to tell you how much I struggled getting this thing together. My old rough cut ended up receiving this GIANT watermark over the center of the video, so I ended up having to toss the old video and starting from scratch. I didn't know this would happen, so the final cut is sort of hastily put together. I'm still pretty proud of it, but I think there are some shortcomings.
- My point of argument isn't too clear, I focused too much on the background surrounding the issue
- The music is only one track. It's a good track, I love the instrumental, but it almost seems distracting due to it's repetitiveness
- There are some audio issues and some slight background noises in certain parts of my video (that AC unit where I was recorded is just BARELY audible)
There are definitely smaller issues with the project, but overall I'm just glad the whole thing came together and I got to get my point across. If I had to praise one thing I did well, it's that I feel as though my information is really well researched. I feel as though I know exactly what I'm talking about in this video essay, and subsequently, I feel as though my point will get across a lot easier because of it.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Reflection on Project #3 Post-Production
What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
I think the biggest success was the fact that I actually finished the project. I didn't think that'd I'd actually be able to do it, but I'm glad the cut's finished. It's probably such a sloppy draft, but I'm just relieved that the thing came into fruition at all.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
Currently, my final draft can't be accessed on Google Drive. I'm currently trying to figure that out right now, but considering that my success was the fact that the project was finished has now been negated by a possible technical error is quite the "challenge". I'm trying to fix it as soon as I can, but when this is fixed, I feel as though I'm good to go.
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
I feel as though my final cut is going to look really good as long as I take my time with editing. Considering that I'm pretty proud of my draft, I feel as though I'm going to be proud of my final cut as well.
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
Pretty good. Last week I was pretty unsure on how this week was going to go, but now I'm very confident that my project is going to go very well.
Peer Review for Malik Bullock
I peer reviewed Malik's video essay, well, actually the script for his video essay. He doesn't quite have all the materials he needs for the video essay to be complete. Either way, considering that my genre for this project is the video essay as well, I feel as though I can lean a lot from Malik, as well as give him good advice.
One thing I learned from Malik's script is that I need to add in a little for information that shows why my argument is important. I feel as though my video essay is lacking in respect to pure hard facts on why this topic is a controversy. If I can add this to my project, I feel as though the final product will be a lot better.
Review:
First thing I noticed is that your video essay is very formal, almost to the point of overly formal. For a topic such as minimum wage, it makes sense to have the form of your video essay be this formal, but sometimes it seems like I'm going to be hearing a Microsoft Sam voice in your video essay. I guess my suggestion would to make the script not as stiff, if that makes sense. One thing I do think you have quite a good handle on is the information surround the topic at hand. I can tell you've really done your research in regards to minimum wage. Overall I think you're video essay has a lot of potential with this script.
One thing I learned from Malik's script is that I need to add in a little for information that shows why my argument is important. I feel as though my video essay is lacking in respect to pure hard facts on why this topic is a controversy. If I can add this to my project, I feel as though the final product will be a lot better.
Review:
First thing I noticed is that your video essay is very formal, almost to the point of overly formal. For a topic such as minimum wage, it makes sense to have the form of your video essay be this formal, but sometimes it seems like I'm going to be hearing a Microsoft Sam voice in your video essay. I guess my suggestion would to make the script not as stiff, if that makes sense. One thing I do think you have quite a good handle on is the information surround the topic at hand. I can tell you've really done your research in regards to minimum wage. Overall I think you're video essay has a lot of potential with this script.
Peer Review for Ben Barnett
I peer reviewed Ben Barnett's essay about Thorium and Uranium reactors and their effects on the world. I'm not much off an expert in the field of nuclear energy, but I feel as though I could be a big help in respect to the form and the organization of the essay itself.
One thing I definitely learned from Ben's essay was to incorporate better transitions in my project. Overall, my video essay has pretty stagnant sections that don't connect to one another really well, but I feel as though I can use Ben's essay as an example for how to do this concept correctly.
Review:
One thing out of the way, I really had some trouble understanding the overall context of your essay. I can definitely tell that this essay's audience isn't for someone as ill-informed in the area of science as I am, but from I can see the information presented on the properties and consequences of the materials in the question seem very solid. Probably the biggest thing I could recommend to you is making your facts more comparative to one another. I understood your argument, but I had a little trouble understanding why your topic was a "big deal". One thing I did like about your essay was the flow of the whole thing. Paragraphs and sections transitioned from one another very smoothly.
Overall I think it's a good essay (an essay that my tiny pea-brain can't fully comprehend in fact).
One thing I definitely learned from Ben's essay was to incorporate better transitions in my project. Overall, my video essay has pretty stagnant sections that don't connect to one another really well, but I feel as though I can use Ben's essay as an example for how to do this concept correctly.
Review:
One thing out of the way, I really had some trouble understanding the overall context of your essay. I can definitely tell that this essay's audience isn't for someone as ill-informed in the area of science as I am, but from I can see the information presented on the properties and consequences of the materials in the question seem very solid. Probably the biggest thing I could recommend to you is making your facts more comparative to one another. I understood your argument, but I had a little trouble understanding why your topic was a "big deal". One thing I did like about your essay was the flow of the whole thing. Paragraphs and sections transitioned from one another very smoothly.
Overall I think it's a good essay (an essay that my tiny pea-brain can't fully comprehend in fact).
Open Post to Peer Reviewers
The following is the rough cut to my project. Please, I like brutal honesty when it comes to this stuff, so don't be afraid to bash it up a lot, I really don't mind. Please leave me as much feedback is necessary for this.
Note: Turns out my rough cut is having trouble being uploaded onto Blogger, not sure why this is, but I'm trying to fix it as soon as I can.
Editorial Report 12b
Older Version:
New Version:
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
I added in a collage of clips that somewhat showed the number of world records the suit was able to produce. Every single clip I took was from the same meet (since the camera angle and pool were the same), so it shows just how ridiculously potent these non-textile suits were.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
The form is only slightly different since I only added in a small clip to my project. Instead of only images in this section, I added in a collage of videos. The videos really are only there to strengthen a point I make in my project, but it doesn't have much of a purpose outside of that and diversifying the project. Second, I used audio from the videos while the other video only uses my narration.
Editorial Report 12a
Note: Any clips of a shinning light are meant to be replaced with my face. Working on getting a good camera to record my commentary whilst it shows my physical body saying the words.
Older Version:
Newer Version:
How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
Instead of using my old introduction, where I introduce myself as the narrator and a person with experience in the sport of swimming, I completely changed the introduction so that the sport itself will be introduced rather than me as the narrator. I feel as though this will make it a more pleasant way of introducing the topic as a whole.
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
I definitely messed with the form of the project. The section begins with a black screen rather than the narration that the old one was using. I feel as though this is a smoother introduction, instead of jumping right into the action like the other clip. Second, I used audio from the video that starts off my video wile the other video only uses my narration.
Monday, April 11, 2016
Peer Review for Diego Alcantra
Below, I peer reviewed Diego's production report for his podcast for Project #3. This original draft can be viewed here.
Obviously, it's hard to get a grasp of the project as a whole since it's only the script and not the podcast itself (I'm not blaming you, I only have the script too, I'm mentioning it since it's going to be hard to get a grasp on the project as a whole). If I had to recommend anything, it's that you only included one piece of audio that isn't your own voice. This is, of course, only speculation, but I feel as though the podcast will feel more complete if there are more portions of audio that isn't your voice (I bet you have a lovely voice however). Adding in more external audio sources might help the project as a whole. I do have to commend you on the information you chose to present; the content flows wells and is very informative and to the point. I feel as though the actual script writing is solid enough to make it to the final cut.
Explanations:
I felt I helped the author with the ideas that the podcast would feel more complete with more additional audio. I feel as though this would help with in accordance with the form of the podcast. I eel as though a lack of sources in this department would make the podcast feel lacking. I did learn that I should also adapt this to my own project. I'm doing a video essay, so the visual elements in my project are just as important as the script; I definitely need to look more into that category.
Peer Review for Rashaan Malik
I peer reviewed Rashaan's introduction for his college essay; you can find it here.
Content Suggestion:\
I actually really liked this introduction. It's certainly eye-catching, especially with the myriad of numerical statistics included in the section (300 million people, 158th largest nation, etc.). A quick question actually, I the number of 3.4 billion representing the number of people in the world seems kind of random, especially since the world's population is definitely larger than that. I just don't know where you got the number from. If I had to recommend one thing in particular, it's that you didn't really introduce why the whole thing was a controversy; all that's given is that the controversy exists. I feel as though adding some sort of introduction for information in the body paragraphs. Other than that, I think that your introduction is very solid.
Explanation:
I feel as though Rashaan's introduction is really solid, but lacks any sort of information about his topic as a whole. So I felt as though recommending introducing why the controversy existed was a good idea, especially since it would help with explaining why the controversy was so controversial in the first place. If there was anything I learned from this piece of content, it's that I feel as though I need to make my introduction for eye-catching like Rashaan's. The first sentence hooked me right away, and I feel as though my own piece is missing this.
Content Suggestion:\
I actually really liked this introduction. It's certainly eye-catching, especially with the myriad of numerical statistics included in the section (300 million people, 158th largest nation, etc.). A quick question actually, I the number of 3.4 billion representing the number of people in the world seems kind of random, especially since the world's population is definitely larger than that. I just don't know where you got the number from. If I had to recommend one thing in particular, it's that you didn't really introduce why the whole thing was a controversy; all that's given is that the controversy exists. I feel as though adding some sort of introduction for information in the body paragraphs. Other than that, I think that your introduction is very solid.
Explanation:
I feel as though Rashaan's introduction is really solid, but lacks any sort of information about his topic as a whole. So I felt as though recommending introducing why the controversy existed was a good idea, especially since it would help with explaining why the controversy was so controversial in the first place. If there was anything I learned from this piece of content, it's that I feel as though I need to make my introduction for eye-catching like Rashaan's. The first sentence hooked me right away, and I feel as though my own piece is missing this.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Reflection on Deadline 11
What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
I felt as though the writing portion of the project I produced this week turned out really well. I was focusing on making my script focus more on the facts the surround the controversy. For example, from my first production report, the majority of the piece was based on previous events that explain how the controversy came into place. My script is entirely based off of information, and I feel as though it fits my project very well.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
The only thing that I had trouble with was organizing my visual elements with my script into a cohesive project. I actually had so much trouble with it that I ended up not finalizing my rough cut. The main problem I have with the visual elements is that I am having trouble creating a "flow". Every time I tried to put together a segment of my project together, the pictures and videos just seemed too stagnant. I want to work on this for next week so that my project turns out well.
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
I'm not too confident since I think I'm going to have trouble finding a middle ground that'll satisfy both the trouble that I'm experiencing and the perfectionist within me. I feel as though I'm going to end up with a product that either isn't really good, or won't meet my expectations.
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
I'm not too confident on this project, but if I do have a breakthrough, then I definitely feel as though my project is going to go well. Other than that, I'm definitely going to struggle next week.
Production Report 11b
As stated in the previous production report, I haven't organized the visual elements of my project quite yet, so the only solid content I have so far is my script.
2008 was the year that kicked off the controversy surrounding competitive swimwear when Speedo released the LZR Racer swimsuit to the world. The suit is made out of elastic nylon and polyurethane, and designed so that oxygen in the blood could flow through the body easier than other full body suits currently on the market. Speedo only released the product; the actual designers for the suit were an Italian company by the name of Mectex and NASA. At the 2008 Olympics, swimmers wearing the LZR Racer won 94% of the events, set 23 new world records, and reported had an average decrease of time by 2-4%, which is a huge margin in a sport dictated by millisecond intervals. Even after the Olympics, 130 new world records were set, 90 of which were LZR Racer. 130 world records in one year is unheard of. These results were so absurd that FINA, the association in charge of the regulations for competitive swimming, actually banned the suit from all future competitions, but would still keep the records set by the suit.
1: My form for this portion of my project is not exactly great, considering that there is no video along with my video essay. I honestly didn't have much choice in respect to representing my form; my form was going to end up half-completed anyway that I represented it in this post. But, from the perspective of the script it's exactly what I want the form to look like. I want the written content of my project to be more based on fact and historical evidence then opinionated claims.
2: As stated above, I've been having trouble finding a way to organize the visual elements into my project. I have found resources that I think will fit my project well, but I've been having trouble putting them together. The script isn't the problem either, I feel as though when I try and put the visual elements together, they don'y flow well. Ultimately, that's my biggest problem currently, but I feel as though my script is very good for what I want to show for this project.
2008 was the year that kicked off the controversy surrounding competitive swimwear when Speedo released the LZR Racer swimsuit to the world. The suit is made out of elastic nylon and polyurethane, and designed so that oxygen in the blood could flow through the body easier than other full body suits currently on the market. Speedo only released the product; the actual designers for the suit were an Italian company by the name of Mectex and NASA. At the 2008 Olympics, swimmers wearing the LZR Racer won 94% of the events, set 23 new world records, and reported had an average decrease of time by 2-4%, which is a huge margin in a sport dictated by millisecond intervals. Even after the Olympics, 130 new world records were set, 90 of which were LZR Racer. 130 world records in one year is unheard of. These results were so absurd that FINA, the association in charge of the regulations for competitive swimming, actually banned the suit from all future competitions, but would still keep the records set by the suit.
1: My form for this portion of my project is not exactly great, considering that there is no video along with my video essay. I honestly didn't have much choice in respect to representing my form; my form was going to end up half-completed anyway that I represented it in this post. But, from the perspective of the script it's exactly what I want the form to look like. I want the written content of my project to be more based on fact and historical evidence then opinionated claims.
2: As stated above, I've been having trouble finding a way to organize the visual elements into my project. I have found resources that I think will fit my project well, but I've been having trouble putting them together. The script isn't the problem either, I feel as though when I try and put the visual elements together, they don'y flow well. Ultimately, that's my biggest problem currently, but I feel as though my script is very good for what I want to show for this project.
Production Report 11a
I haven't found the video material necessary for my project quite yet, so I've been working on the intricacies of the script that goes along with the script. This passage in this specific post goes along with the first "body" paragraph of my video essay
The first records of competitive swimwear started with the growing concern of nudity in the 1920s. Men's swimming has always been part of the Olympics, but in the 1920s, women's swimming was also introduced. This started a growing concern about nudity in the sport, so swimwear companies started to produce standardized suits that were both fast and covered up all necessary parts of the body. For the next several decades, all women wore one-piece swimsuits made mostly of silk, while men could wear either similar one-piece swimsuits or briefs made of the same material. It wasn't until around 1972 when standardized suits started to affect swimmers' performances. Speedo started to incorporate elastic into their now nylon suits, and as a result, 22 new world record were made at the following Olympics, 21 from swimmers wearing this specific suit. This giant influx of new world records took the swimming world by storm. Many swim companies rushed to find an answer to this powerhouse of technology. Up until around 2008, swimming was dominated by athletes choosing between different suits, all of which produced a myriad of record-breaking results.
1:Since my genre for this project in the video essay, I feel as though the content I've produced is out of form, considering that there is no "video" to speak of to go along with the "narration" that I've produced. However, I made this script so that appropriate videos and pictures can be easily assigned. Most of the writing I've provided is fact or historical events, so pictures and videos that go along with these events are all over the internet. So, in theory, my theoretical videos and pictures that will go along with this script should be appropriate for the form of a video essay. Furthermore, I feel as though the script I've written is based on evidence rather than opinion. This is the type of content that I've been striving to create, so I feel as though the form for my rough cut will be good.
2: As stated above, I haven't found a way to organize the visual aspect of my project, so the script is technically all I have. I have a good amount of visual elements that can be used in my project, but I'm having trouble finding a flow that felt appropriate in that category. Other than that, I feel as though my production phase is going to go well. The script I made feels especially good; as stated above, it's based more on evidence rather than opinions.
The first records of competitive swimwear started with the growing concern of nudity in the 1920s. Men's swimming has always been part of the Olympics, but in the 1920s, women's swimming was also introduced. This started a growing concern about nudity in the sport, so swimwear companies started to produce standardized suits that were both fast and covered up all necessary parts of the body. For the next several decades, all women wore one-piece swimsuits made mostly of silk, while men could wear either similar one-piece swimsuits or briefs made of the same material. It wasn't until around 1972 when standardized suits started to affect swimmers' performances. Speedo started to incorporate elastic into their now nylon suits, and as a result, 22 new world record were made at the following Olympics, 21 from swimmers wearing this specific suit. This giant influx of new world records took the swimming world by storm. Many swim companies rushed to find an answer to this powerhouse of technology. Up until around 2008, swimming was dominated by athletes choosing between different suits, all of which produced a myriad of record-breaking results.
1:Since my genre for this project in the video essay, I feel as though the content I've produced is out of form, considering that there is no "video" to speak of to go along with the "narration" that I've produced. However, I made this script so that appropriate videos and pictures can be easily assigned. Most of the writing I've provided is fact or historical events, so pictures and videos that go along with these events are all over the internet. So, in theory, my theoretical videos and pictures that will go along with this script should be appropriate for the form of a video essay. Furthermore, I feel as though the script I've written is based on evidence rather than opinion. This is the type of content that I've been striving to create, so I feel as though the form for my rough cut will be good.
2: As stated above, I haven't found a way to organize the visual aspect of my project, so the script is technically all I have. I have a good amount of visual elements that can be used in my project, but I'm having trouble finding a flow that felt appropriate in that category. Other than that, I feel as though my production phase is going to go well. The script I made feels especially good; as stated above, it's based more on evidence rather than opinions.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Reflection on Pre-Production on Project #3
What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
I think that the research portion of my project went really well. The topic I chose is something that has personally affected me in the past, so finding information and quotes on it was pretty simple. If anything, the thing I'm most confident on for this project is the information that I've gathered so far is going to be essential in my project. Another thing that went well is that I think the organization of my project as a whole is outlined well. I feel as though I've covered all the bases I want to for my project.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
I feel as though my schedule could've been netter. I don't really follow outlines that well, so I kinda threw together my schedules without thinking too much about it. But, unlike my previous projects, which were both oriented on rote literature, my current project is the video essay. I'm going to need a schedule for a project like this just because of all the research and pre-production that goes into it. I'll probably need to rethink my way of scheduling.
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?
I think my next week is going to go well as long as I plan out my project ahead of time. If I wait to the last minute for this video essay, it's probably going to come out poorly.
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
Overall, I feel as though my project is going to turn out well if I play my cards right. If I do wait to do this project to the last minute, I think my project will be poor.
Peer Review 10b
I peer reviewed Ben Barnett's production schedule for Project 3. It looks really cool and can be found here.
Suggestions:
Overall I think the schedule looks really good. All the information is organized well inside a really neat table. It's clear which part of your essay he wants to work on during each day, even sometimes splitting a day up to work on multiple parts (ex. finishing your 3rd body paragraph Saturday afternoon, and then finishing your introduction and conclusion paragraphs the same Saturday, but in the evening). If I had to suggest anything to you, it's that the schedule is only for the productions week. There is nothing stating what you're going to work on a schedule for the following weeks of post-production as well, just to get a grasp on the whole project. Another thing I think would be helpful is including another column that might include certain claims that your trying to make for each paragraph. This might be helpful just to get a full grasp on what you're trying to write about for each piece of your project, and so that you're not just trying to wing it with no blueprint to base yourself off of. Otherwise, I like how organized this table is, and I think it will help if you follow your planning.
Suggestions:
Overall I think the schedule looks really good. All the information is organized well inside a really neat table. It's clear which part of your essay he wants to work on during each day, even sometimes splitting a day up to work on multiple parts (ex. finishing your 3rd body paragraph Saturday afternoon, and then finishing your introduction and conclusion paragraphs the same Saturday, but in the evening). If I had to suggest anything to you, it's that the schedule is only for the productions week. There is nothing stating what you're going to work on a schedule for the following weeks of post-production as well, just to get a grasp on the whole project. Another thing I think would be helpful is including another column that might include certain claims that your trying to make for each paragraph. This might be helpful just to get a full grasp on what you're trying to write about for each piece of your project, and so that you're not just trying to wing it with no blueprint to base yourself off of. Otherwise, I like how organized this table is, and I think it will help if you follow your planning.
Peer Review 10a
I peer review Ryan Wolfe for one of my pre-production peer eview. I reviewed his outline, which can be found here
Brainstorming Suggestion- I believe that Ryan's outline is very well done and I think that the hyperlinks to the sources are significant and impressive in their clarity. One thing I noticed that I didn't use in my project outline was that he cited mostly significant specific events that applied to his project rather than just put the ideas out there like I did.
One thing I would suggest though would not to write the essay in such a blueprinted format. I like the idea of a topic sentence into the evidence into a closing idea for the paragraphs, but I feel as though writing the essay in such a form will destroy the flow of the piece and will just end up being a list of sources that claim Donald Trump is x or y. The essay shouldn't be like this, so I might suggest maybe somehow linking how certain ideas relate to one another besides the topic sentence.
I thought that the form that the outline was suggesting was too by the book. I feel as though from what I've learned on form that writing should be more free-flowing rather than being stuck to a certain outline.
Brainstorming Suggestion- I believe that Ryan's outline is very well done and I think that the hyperlinks to the sources are significant and impressive in their clarity. One thing I noticed that I didn't use in my project outline was that he cited mostly significant specific events that applied to his project rather than just put the ideas out there like I did.
One thing I would suggest though would not to write the essay in such a blueprinted format. I like the idea of a topic sentence into the evidence into a closing idea for the paragraphs, but I feel as though writing the essay in such a form will destroy the flow of the piece and will just end up being a list of sources that claim Donald Trump is x or y. The essay shouldn't be like this, so I might suggest maybe somehow linking how certain ideas relate to one another besides the topic sentence.
I thought that the form that the outline was suggesting was too by the book. I feel as though from what I've learned on form that writing should be more free-flowing rather than being stuck to a certain outline.
Production Schedule - Project #3
4/4/2016 - 4/6/2016 - Gather resources for the Rough Cut
4/7/2016 - 4/10/2016 - Start using materials to start making the outline for a script for the video essay including, but not limited to, images, videos, articles, magazines, video editing software, and a microphone
4/11/2016 - Us the outline to finalize the script and make sure it line up correctly with the images and videos previously gathered and organized
4/12/2016 - 4/14/2016 - Record narration and edit parts of the narration so that it fits and flows better with the videos and images acquired
4/14/2016-4/17/2016 - Finalize the video essay through editing and re-narration through parts that aren't adequate
4/18/2016-4/21/2016 - Peer edit other projects and implement what they did well into my own project in some shape or form
4/21/2016 - 4/24/2016 - Create final cut of Project 3
4/7/2016 - 4/10/2016 - Start using materials to start making the outline for a script for the video essay including, but not limited to, images, videos, articles, magazines, video editing software, and a microphone
4/11/2016 - Us the outline to finalize the script and make sure it line up correctly with the images and videos previously gathered and organized
4/12/2016 - 4/14/2016 - Record narration and edit parts of the narration so that it fits and flows better with the videos and images acquired
4/14/2016-4/17/2016 - Finalize the video essay through editing and re-narration through parts that aren't adequate
4/18/2016-4/21/2016 - Peer edit other projects and implement what they did well into my own project in some shape or form
4/21/2016 - 4/24/2016 - Create final cut of Project 3
Content Outline
Opening Section
-Introduce the idea of how fastskins are faster than traditional competitive swimsuits through previous results and statistics of the 2008 Olympics
-Use a video of a world record from the 2008 Olympics as a piece of evidence of that trend
-Explain how these sort of suits are "Somewhat banned"
-Go into explanation that some suits are banned whle other, not so "pwerful" suits are not banned
-Expain that fastskins should be either entirely banned or not banned at all - main idea
Body Sections
1st Section Main Idea - 2008 LZR Racer
-Explain what the LZR Racer is to the audience how in the span of a year, more than half of the world records set by previous athletes were broken in a single year
-Furhter elaborate that almost all of the records were done by athletes wearing this suit
-Show the trailer for the LZR suit that explains the technologies of the suit better than I will (not the whole video, because that would be bad for copyright purposes)
-Explain that FINA, the main organization behind regulations in swiming banned not only the 2008 LZR suit, but all full-body fastskins for male athletes
-Explain that the reasoning behind this was the number of new records
-Further elaborate that not all fastskins wer eelimated by this regulation, just some of the vest oines at the times
2nd Section Main Idea - Present Day Fastskins
-Use a montage of competitve swimming events as a reference to how a pleathora of fastskins are used today in all sorts of swimming competitions since they're faster than conventional practice suits
-Explain that FINA hasn't made a regulation since the one they made in 2008
-Further elaborate on the number of swimming companies that make different suits has greatly increased the variety of fastskins available on the market.
-Show my opinion that since there are so many fastskins on the markey, why not reintroduce the full-body suits
-Evidence in that the records set by these suits have not been removed (some of them still stand today)
- Compare techonolgies of today and the banned suits
-Bring up NASA argument that the suits only enhance the athlete themselves, rather than the suit making itself the sport.
-Explain that the sport is only unfair if not everyone has access to a certain suit
-Fuirther elaborate on the variety of fastskins, making even full-body suits a personal athlete chioce
3rd Section Main Idea - The Use of Fastskins in non-official competitive swimming
-Expain that there is a lot of sompetitive swimming outside of professional swimming events nad college swimming (USA Swimming is the largest sporting organization in the United States as of 2016)
-Discuss why the variety of fastskins may affect this sort of competition
-Not everyone will have access to the best technologies
-Only fair if everyone used the same type of swimsuit
-This idea also works on the professional level, since the technologies involved in the suit become a constant throughout the sport
-Explain that this could be a different category of swimming that isn't affiliated with times set by swimmer that used fastskins.
Closing Section
-Reintroduce the previous results that fastskins have created
-Emphasize how important the times these suits made were
-Reintroduce the variety of swimsuits and how some swimmers don't have the same access to such technologies as other athletes
-Conclude with main idea of 3rd section
Research Report - Project #3
1st Source - New York Times
Title and Source: Swimming Bans High-Tech Suits, Ending an Era; New York Times Newspaper
Author and Credibility: Karen Crouse - Credited newspaper editor for the New York Times and sports columnist for various newspapers
Target Audience: This is a newspaper article in the general section of the New York Times, so I'd say the audience is the general public. Furthermore, I believe that since the article doesn't spit out any scientific vernacular in its writing, this article is meant to simply inform the reader of a certain event that has been "resolved".
Main Purpose: Inform the reader about why this ban is necessary through stats like 130 world records created by the LZR and quotes from athletes like Michael Phelps about the issue as a whole.
Contextual Details: References certain swimsuit companies that will be affected by this issue like Speedo and Jaked, and direct quotes from important non-swimmers in the industry, such as Corel Marculescu, executive director of FINA (a sporting company).
2nd Source: The Guardian
Title and Source: Born Slippery; The Guardian
Author and Credibility: Anna Kessel is a sports writer for the Guardian and has been a writer for over a decade - both found here
Target Audience: This is meant for people who are interested in the sport of swimming since this is in the sports section of the Guardian newspaper. Furthermore, this article features more unknown swimmers, so the audience may be even more specific than just a "sports fan".
Main Purpose: Inform the reader just on why the LZR swimsuit was banned after the 2008 Olympics using facts like how the suit is 70 times tighter on the human body than a regular suit and quotes by Speedo representatives.
Contextual Details: References to how the company AquaLab made the suit and evidence of as new era of suits re-surfacing
3rd Source - Sports Scientists
Title and Source: Beijing Record Summary; Sports Scientists
Author and Credibility: The journal itself made the image. They are a small magazine that use science to explain the certain phenomena that surround certain sports events. Currently they are a certified magazine with decades of articles and credible authors - main page here
Target Audience: This image is really bare bones, but is very plain in simple on what it is trying to convey. Because of the simplicity of this image, I think that this image is meant for the general public.
Main Purpose: I think that this is an image to show the magnitude that racing suits have on the competitive swimming scene to anyone because the numbers shown in the image are alarmingly large in respect to number of world records and the fact that the numbers are large for both men and women athletes.
Contextual Details: The article for this image explains how these numbers are so significant in the swimming world and why there needs to be a change in order to make sure that every Olympics isn't just another grind for mass new world records.
4th Source - Sports Scientists
Title and Source: Men's World Records -2008; Sports Scientists
Author and Credibility: Same as 3rd Source
Target Audience: Same as 3rd Source
Main Purpose: This image is a little more in depth than the one found in my 3rd source, so obviously I think there is a little more dpeth in the purpose. The main idea is that the average world record legnth is noticably low, with only certain records noted by arrows not being made by swimmers with the new technical suits at the time. The arrows and the average time are the magazine's proof to show that these suits are unfair.
Contextual Details: Same as 3rd Source
5th Source - NASA
Title and Source: Record Breaking Benefits; NASA
Author and Credibility: There is no specified author in the article, which is very unsettling, but since this is NASA, a government organization that is world-renowned for their breakthroughs in all sorts of branches of science, that's more than enough credibility.
Target Audience: The article goes into the more scientific details of swimsuits, such as AquaLab procedure in making the suits and certain specializations that help the suits with certain strokes, like freestyle.
Main Purpose: Considering that NASA is explaining the science of swimsuits and using these facts as a quasi-excuse to make it rational to use these suits shows that the organization is trying to state that the suits are fair since competitions are fair if EVERY athlete wears them.
Contextual Details: NASA has direct quotes from Speedo and their own personal affiliation with the sciences of swimming.
6th Source - The Baltimore Sun
Title and Source: FINA bans controversial full-body swimsuits; The Baltimore Sun
Author and Credibility: Lisa Dillman is a sports columnist for the LA Times and has written in various national newspapers for many years - both sources
Target Audience: This article is very similar to my 2nd Source, so I believe that the target audience for this article are swimming fanatics since it features quotes from lesser known athletes an is part of the sports section of this newspaper.
Main Purpose: The article tells of events in 2008 that results in the banning of full-body suits and explains what companies like Jaked and Arena have been doing to make these suits "unfair". The author wants to inform the audience of these sorts of facts that surround the controversy.
Contextual Details: The article explains how Michael Phelps received 8 gold medals in the 2008 Olympics with the help of a full-body suit and Mark Schubert's efforts to nullify records that were made by full-body suits.
7th Source - Speedo Fastskins
Title and Source: Fastskin; Speedo Technology
Author and Credibility: There is no author for this source, but considering that the company that made this guide is the company that creates controversial suits makes this sources a direct source for what the company's perspective on the whole issue is. That is easily credible.
Target Audience: The guide looks very sharp, containing various striking visuals and various statistics that prove how certain quits are faster than other. The guide is meant for the eyes of swimming athletes that recognize how important these numbers are
Main Purpose: Since the guide is showing how advanced the technology in the suits are and how affordable the suits can be, it's pretty obvious that this guide is just a giant advertisement to buy Speedo fastskins.
Contextual Details: Direct quotes from a lot of famous competitive swimmers and information on the most popular Speedo fastskin models further support the claim that this is an advertisement.
8th Source - Science on the Net
Title and Source: Rules and technological innovation: the Fastskin Revolution; Science on the Net
Author and Credibility: There is no specific author given in the article, but this source is a official magazine that specializes in the sciences of general topics. In this case, I would say that this source isn't specialized to say that their word is absolute law, but this magazine definitely knows what they're talking since they're an official magazine. main page
Target Audience: This audience is very niche since the article specifically references the science behind new fastskins (cerca 2012) and the relation of this technology to technologies within tennis.
Main Purpose: Much like many magazines, Science on the Net us trying to inform its audience of the happenings of technologies through direct quotes from companies like Speedo and the history of fastskin technologies.
Contextual Details: Questions why some improving technologies are prohibited while others are allowed not only for swimming, but for all sports.
9th Source - Swimming Vortex
Title and Source: THE LZR LIVES ON: SPEEDO FASTSKIN RACER X SUITED FOR FEEL-GOOD FACTOR, SAY SWIMMERS; Swimming Vortex
Author and Credibility: There is no citable author for this source as well ( I have quite a few of these), but this is a credible source since its an article by Swimming Vortex. Swimming Vortex is a magazine that specializes in the current events of swimming and reports on the results of competitions and analyzes them. - main page
Target Audience: This article specifically talks about only the pros of the new Speedo fastskin and references how this suit may even rival the 2008 suit. So I think that the article is trying to inform of the potential consequences that the new Speedo may create. This will only be important to swimming athletes since they are the only athletes that will use this technology
Main Purpose: As staed above, I believe that the author is trying to inform the audience of the potential consequences that this suit may create. It states this through explaining the new technologies in the suit and uses direct quoets from athletes about their opinions on the suit.
Contextual Details: There is a advertisement for the new suit in the article and references facts that Speedo collected in regards to the suit.
10th source - IBTimes
Title and Source: Speedo unveils Fastskin swimsuit for Rio 2016 Olympics; International Business Times
Author and Credibility: The author is Adam Justice, work posted here. This author is credible since he is an experienced author and video journalist for IBTimes
Target Audience: This article has quite the "clickbait" title and references the upcoming 2016 Olympics several times. Therefore, I think this article is trying to catch the attention of anyone it can, so the audience is the general public.
Main Purpose: Since the article explains how the new fastskin will be in place at the next Olympics and references athletes that will use this suit, I believe that it is trying to inform its audience about these facts.
Contextual Details: The article includes a video that is a breakdown of the suit as a whole and direct quotes from renowned athletes like Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte.
Rhetorical Analysis of Project #3
Author
1: How will I draw from my interests and passions for Project 3?
Currently, I am a mathematics major at the University of Arizona and in Project #1 of English 109H, I found out that finding a controversy in mathematics is really, REALLY difficult. Mathematicians are just too loose when it comes to defining the principles that make up their professions. There are controversies, but their more like stubborn disagreements between two people. So, I plan on looking elsewhere from my interests in order to find a good argument. Probably some of my best options are my previous experiences with competitive swimming. There is a huge argument over the technical suits that competitive swimmers use and whether or not they should be banned in competitions. One such instance was the worldwide ban of the full-body suits for male swimmers, since at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, over a dozen world records were set, all by athletes wearing a full body swimsuit. Probably the other strong choice I have for a topic is my interest in technology. There is a miasma of opinions on the rapid advancement of technology, and I think it would be pretty interesting creating an argument over such a topic. Of course, there are many other things I am interested in, but these two categories, and maybe a good topic in mathematics, are the best options I think I have currently, and I'll focus on those.
2: What are the preconceptions, previously held opinions/potential areas for personal bias that I should be aware of for Project #3?
Obviously, I have my own experiences to deal with as a bias for this argument. I'm not the type of person to hold a grudge, but if I feel as though something is unfair, I'm definitely going to take a side on my own moral grounds. However, when it comes to certain categories that define the type of person I am, such as ethnicity, religion, political affiliation, sexuality, even my geography, I'm pretty easy-going about all those categories. I've always held a firm belief that people have a right to be influenced over these sorts of categories, but I don't use them to choose I side for me. I choose a side on what I personally believe in from my own experiences.
Audience
1: How are you thinking about your audience for this project? Who are you going to make this for?
I decided on doing the video essay for Project #3, so I feel as though I want to make my audience a little more broader. On YouTube, people click on videos that look even mildly interesting. Videos are viewed by all sorts of people, so I believe that the obvious audience for this piece should be the general public, no matter how advanced or specialized my claims will be in regards to the topic I will be doing this on.
2: What beliefs and assumptions might this audience already hold? What position are they likely to take on this issue?
I haven't decided on my argument yet, but I want to choose one that isn't obviously one-sided. I don't want this project to be an excuse for me to play Devil's advocate for some brutally wrong issue: that sort of viewpoint would defeat the purpose of the project in the first place. So, in this case, I want to choose a controversy that is, for the most part, split half and half, 50/50. I want to make something that will both appeal to advocates of my argument and try and convince to the opposition.
3: How might they react to your argument?
Depends if I make a good point or not. It's hard to change a person's beliefs, even with significant statistics and cold hard evidence. I'm not the greatest "video essayist", but I feel as though if I do a good job on my argument, I will at least have informed some people about my viewpoints on something. But, in the end, I feel as though this project will have a good reaction from some people, and a negative one from others.
4: How are you going to relate to or connect with your audience?
This is probably the this I'm most likely to have trouble with. Obviously, there are going to be people who have been personally effected by the argument I will be talking about to various extents. So, I think the best way to relate to the audience is through evidence. First of all, if my evidence is false, then no one is going to care for my opinion since it's misinformed. Second, if I explain how certain cases of a controversy have affected other people, then parts of my audience can relate to the subject at hand. Furthermore, if I provide an abundance of evidence, there is a greater chance of be relating to more and more of my audience.
5:Think of a specific person that falls into my audience:
I still haven't picked a topic up to this point in my blog posts, so I will choose my English teacher since there is a 100% chance that he will view my video and he is technically part of my idea that I wanted my video essay to be for the general public. For the most part, he will put aside his personal views and create new opinions completely objectively for these English projects that my class and I are making. So, if anything, he is an arbitrary person in my target audience. As stated above, I think they best way of convincing a person is through evidence or proof of specific consequences, whether they be bad or good.
Purpose/Message
1: What do I want to accomplish with Project 3? What affect do you want it to have on your intended audience?
Probably an obvious answer, but I want to convince people that my viewpoint on a certain issue is significant in its ideas. I feel as though I'm not going to convince many people that my ideas are necessarily right, but I want for people to at least take my viewpoints for more than just a grain of salt. I want my audience to look more into the specific issue that I will make my project about and craft their own viewpoints. As long as I know my project was at least influential in some way, that would be the best outcome.
2: Once I've done all my research and figured out what I think about the controversy that I've chosen, what still needs to be accomplished?
I feel as though it will be important to tell the audience to explore both sides of the issue. As stated above, I don't people to just copy my opinion: I want them to forge their own opinions. I think that will be the most important thing to tell my audience (besides the content of my project of course).
Context: The use of "fast-skins" in competitive swimming
Genre
1: What course genre will you be writing in for Project 3?
I feel as though the video essay would be more appropriate thant the podcast for this type of issue
2: What kinds of audience expectations come along with this genre?
Since I'm doing a video essay, that means my audience is going to be a lot broader than that of a research paper, QRG, or a podcast. More people are likely to stumble upon a video and open it than a piece of rote language or an audio file. I feel as though my audience is going to come in with less intent and more curiosity.
3: What is you history working in this genre?
Surprisingly, I've actually made loads of these in middle school for a certain program I was a part of, called the Digital Learning Center. I've probably made a dozen of these, so I'm very confident in the mechanics of the whole thing.
4: Describe my comfort level and general feelings with this genre:
This genre is probably going to take more work than the essay and QRG I made previously this semester, but since I've worked with genre before, I am very comfortable with it.
5: What are the two most effective conventions for this genre?
Conventions are an interesting word to use for a genre such as a video essay, but I believe that the two most important things to have in this genre is an adequate, but diverse blend of videos, narration, and quality pictures and making sure that the images and videos provided are related to the content being described.
When?
1: Are there any historical events that might impact how your audience perceives your argument?
The only laws that has been put in place for this argument are certain banned "fast-skins" from various competitive organizations.
2: Who else is talking about this topic?
NPR
Culture Unbound Journal
SwimmingWorld Magazine
Wikipedia (LZR Specific)
3: What are three-four major counter-arguments?
NASA - Benefits of being a faster competitive swimmer
Scientific American Magazine - The logical science behind it all
Swim Outlet - Reviews show fairness of modern suits
1: How will I draw from my interests and passions for Project 3?
Currently, I am a mathematics major at the University of Arizona and in Project #1 of English 109H, I found out that finding a controversy in mathematics is really, REALLY difficult. Mathematicians are just too loose when it comes to defining the principles that make up their professions. There are controversies, but their more like stubborn disagreements between two people. So, I plan on looking elsewhere from my interests in order to find a good argument. Probably some of my best options are my previous experiences with competitive swimming. There is a huge argument over the technical suits that competitive swimmers use and whether or not they should be banned in competitions. One such instance was the worldwide ban of the full-body suits for male swimmers, since at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, over a dozen world records were set, all by athletes wearing a full body swimsuit. Probably the other strong choice I have for a topic is my interest in technology. There is a miasma of opinions on the rapid advancement of technology, and I think it would be pretty interesting creating an argument over such a topic. Of course, there are many other things I am interested in, but these two categories, and maybe a good topic in mathematics, are the best options I think I have currently, and I'll focus on those.
2: What are the preconceptions, previously held opinions/potential areas for personal bias that I should be aware of for Project #3?
Obviously, I have my own experiences to deal with as a bias for this argument. I'm not the type of person to hold a grudge, but if I feel as though something is unfair, I'm definitely going to take a side on my own moral grounds. However, when it comes to certain categories that define the type of person I am, such as ethnicity, religion, political affiliation, sexuality, even my geography, I'm pretty easy-going about all those categories. I've always held a firm belief that people have a right to be influenced over these sorts of categories, but I don't use them to choose I side for me. I choose a side on what I personally believe in from my own experiences.
Audience
1: How are you thinking about your audience for this project? Who are you going to make this for?
I decided on doing the video essay for Project #3, so I feel as though I want to make my audience a little more broader. On YouTube, people click on videos that look even mildly interesting. Videos are viewed by all sorts of people, so I believe that the obvious audience for this piece should be the general public, no matter how advanced or specialized my claims will be in regards to the topic I will be doing this on.
2: What beliefs and assumptions might this audience already hold? What position are they likely to take on this issue?
I haven't decided on my argument yet, but I want to choose one that isn't obviously one-sided. I don't want this project to be an excuse for me to play Devil's advocate for some brutally wrong issue: that sort of viewpoint would defeat the purpose of the project in the first place. So, in this case, I want to choose a controversy that is, for the most part, split half and half, 50/50. I want to make something that will both appeal to advocates of my argument and try and convince to the opposition.
3: How might they react to your argument?
Depends if I make a good point or not. It's hard to change a person's beliefs, even with significant statistics and cold hard evidence. I'm not the greatest "video essayist", but I feel as though if I do a good job on my argument, I will at least have informed some people about my viewpoints on something. But, in the end, I feel as though this project will have a good reaction from some people, and a negative one from others.
4: How are you going to relate to or connect with your audience?
This is probably the this I'm most likely to have trouble with. Obviously, there are going to be people who have been personally effected by the argument I will be talking about to various extents. So, I think the best way to relate to the audience is through evidence. First of all, if my evidence is false, then no one is going to care for my opinion since it's misinformed. Second, if I explain how certain cases of a controversy have affected other people, then parts of my audience can relate to the subject at hand. Furthermore, if I provide an abundance of evidence, there is a greater chance of be relating to more and more of my audience.
5:Think of a specific person that falls into my audience:
I still haven't picked a topic up to this point in my blog posts, so I will choose my English teacher since there is a 100% chance that he will view my video and he is technically part of my idea that I wanted my video essay to be for the general public. For the most part, he will put aside his personal views and create new opinions completely objectively for these English projects that my class and I are making. So, if anything, he is an arbitrary person in my target audience. As stated above, I think they best way of convincing a person is through evidence or proof of specific consequences, whether they be bad or good.
Purpose/Message
1: What do I want to accomplish with Project 3? What affect do you want it to have on your intended audience?
Probably an obvious answer, but I want to convince people that my viewpoint on a certain issue is significant in its ideas. I feel as though I'm not going to convince many people that my ideas are necessarily right, but I want for people to at least take my viewpoints for more than just a grain of salt. I want my audience to look more into the specific issue that I will make my project about and craft their own viewpoints. As long as I know my project was at least influential in some way, that would be the best outcome.
2: Once I've done all my research and figured out what I think about the controversy that I've chosen, what still needs to be accomplished?
I feel as though it will be important to tell the audience to explore both sides of the issue. As stated above, I don't people to just copy my opinion: I want them to forge their own opinions. I think that will be the most important thing to tell my audience (besides the content of my project of course).
Context: The use of "fast-skins" in competitive swimming
Genre
1: What course genre will you be writing in for Project 3?
I feel as though the video essay would be more appropriate thant the podcast for this type of issue
2: What kinds of audience expectations come along with this genre?
Since I'm doing a video essay, that means my audience is going to be a lot broader than that of a research paper, QRG, or a podcast. More people are likely to stumble upon a video and open it than a piece of rote language or an audio file. I feel as though my audience is going to come in with less intent and more curiosity.
3: What is you history working in this genre?
Surprisingly, I've actually made loads of these in middle school for a certain program I was a part of, called the Digital Learning Center. I've probably made a dozen of these, so I'm very confident in the mechanics of the whole thing.
4: Describe my comfort level and general feelings with this genre:
This genre is probably going to take more work than the essay and QRG I made previously this semester, but since I've worked with genre before, I am very comfortable with it.
5: What are the two most effective conventions for this genre?
Conventions are an interesting word to use for a genre such as a video essay, but I believe that the two most important things to have in this genre is an adequate, but diverse blend of videos, narration, and quality pictures and making sure that the images and videos provided are related to the content being described.
When?
1: Are there any historical events that might impact how your audience perceives your argument?
The only laws that has been put in place for this argument are certain banned "fast-skins" from various competitive organizations.
2: Who else is talking about this topic?
NPR
Culture Unbound Journal
SwimmingWorld Magazine
Wikipedia (LZR Specific)
3: What are three-four major counter-arguments?
NASA - Benefits of being a faster competitive swimmer
Scientific American Magazine - The logical science behind it all
Swim Outlet - Reviews show fairness of modern suits
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Reflection on Post-Production of Project #2
What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
I felt as though I didn't have to do a lot of editing based off of the comments I received for my rough cut, so I felt as though the facts that my production phase went well that my post-production phase automatically went well. I didn't have to do much editing and I felt as though my paper was solid based off of the comments that I received.
What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.
The fact that my peer reviewers told me to change so little was a bit uncomfortable since I felt as though I was going to miss some of my errors in my rough cut. I looked over the essay and edited what I found, but I still feel as though I probably missed something.
How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week
Considering that this is the last week of Project 2, I feel as though next week will go well since it won't apply to this project in the slightest.
How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?
I feel confident, but, as with most people, I feel worried that I probably messed up somewhere.
Editorial Report 9b
Rough Cut Version:
In conclusion, because of math’s broad definition and large international scale, many people present mathematics in their own ways. Whether it comes to writing out mathematical proofs, or present basic information through textbooks, or presenting findings and famous discoveries in large auditorium, the broad sweep that math has over its rhetorical piece is impressive.
Re-edited Section:
In conclusion, because of math’s broad definition and large international scale, many people present mathematics in their own ways. Not only, this but the broad scope on what constitutes a math professional has also further enlarged the scale that defines mathematics: university professors, white-collar workers, even students. Math represents something unique not only for these three categories of people, but for every group that uses mathematics in their daily lives. Whether it comes to writing out mathematical proofs, or present basic information through textbooks, or presenting findings and famous discoveries in large auditorium, the broad sweep that math has over its rhetorical piece is impressive.
1: Content wise I added two sentences to my concluding paragraph. The main thing I thought was that this paragraph didn't really do much except for conclude some parts of my paper. I felt as though it didn't really sum up everything I talked about, so I added more content. The first sentence references that the many genres that exist for math are existent because of the broad definition of a "math professional", while the second sentence elaborates on this idea further. I talked a lot about why math had some many genres because of the variety of professions in my paper, so I added this content to conclude on this idea as well as the other ideas in this paragraph.
2: I was satisfied with the form of this paragraph already, so I didn't change anything in that context.
In conclusion, because of math’s broad definition and large international scale, many people present mathematics in their own ways. Whether it comes to writing out mathematical proofs, or present basic information through textbooks, or presenting findings and famous discoveries in large auditorium, the broad sweep that math has over its rhetorical piece is impressive.
Re-edited Section:
In conclusion, because of math’s broad definition and large international scale, many people present mathematics in their own ways. Not only, this but the broad scope on what constitutes a math professional has also further enlarged the scale that defines mathematics: university professors, white-collar workers, even students. Math represents something unique not only for these three categories of people, but for every group that uses mathematics in their daily lives. Whether it comes to writing out mathematical proofs, or present basic information through textbooks, or presenting findings and famous discoveries in large auditorium, the broad sweep that math has over its rhetorical piece is impressive.
1: Content wise I added two sentences to my concluding paragraph. The main thing I thought was that this paragraph didn't really do much except for conclude some parts of my paper. I felt as though it didn't really sum up everything I talked about, so I added more content. The first sentence references that the many genres that exist for math are existent because of the broad definition of a "math professional", while the second sentence elaborates on this idea further. I talked a lot about why math had some many genres because of the variety of professions in my paper, so I added this content to conclude on this idea as well as the other ideas in this paragraph.
2: I was satisfied with the form of this paragraph already, so I didn't change anything in that context.
Editorial Report 9a
Rough Cut:
Many of the texts written rely on written mathematical proofs in order to get their claims and ideas across while relying little on actual cultural language that all humans are accustomed to speaking, no matter what nationality they come from. The American Mathematical Society gives a good example of this type of language in one of their journals, Conformal Grafting and Convergence of Fenchel-Nielsen Twist Coordinates: “There exist angles θ± ∞ ∈ S1 such that θ±(s) → θ± ∞ as s → ∞. Proof. Consider the conformal isomorphism ϕ : D \ {0} → C+ as a map into S∞. There is a covering map ψ : D \ {0} → S∞ corresponding to the cusp C+, and ϕ lifts under ψ to a conformal embedding ϕ : D \ {0} → D \ {0}.” (Borgue). The quoted text is, of course, unimportant to understand since it’s only an excerpt to an incredibly complicated mathematical proof that goes beyond normal arithmetic that most people are used to. What’s important is that university professors and mathematicians are dependent on this type of language to communicate their ideas effectively and efficiently; any other language used to communicate this type of language is too inefficient. Furthermore, this language is universal, since most professionals internationally can understand this style of writing no matter what their nationality is. Therefore, this type of text is meant for an audience that can understand this type of writing and topic.
Re-edited Selection:
Many of the texts written rely on written mathematical proofs in order to get their claims and ideas across while relying little on actual cultural language that all humans are accustomed to speaking, no matter what nationality they come from. The American Mathematical Society gives a good example of this type of language in one of their journals, Conformal Grafting and Convergence of Fenchel-Nielsen Twist Coordinates: “There exist angles θ± ∞ ∈ S1 such that θ±(s) → θ± ∞ as s → ∞. Proof. Consider the conformal isomorphism ϕ : D \ {0} → C+ as a map into S∞. There is a covering map ψ : D \ {0} → S∞ corresponding to the cusp C+, and ϕ lifts under ψ to a conformal embedding ϕ : D \ {0} → D \ {0}.” (Borgue). It is unimportant to understand the specific context of this quote, since it’s an excerpt to an incredibly complicated mathematical proof that goes beyond normal arithmetic that most people are used to. What’s important is that university professors and mathematicians are dependent on this type of language to communicate their ideas effectively and efficiently; any other language used to communicate this language is too inefficient according to mathematicians. Furthermore, math is a universal language, since most professionals can understand this style of writing no matter what their nationality is. Therefore, this type of text is meant for an audience that can understand this type of writing and topic. The common person isn’t meant to read this type of writing since it goes beyond their knowledge of math.
1: The content changed since I focused more on what the quote I used was supposed to represent, while the original just focused on what the quote was instead. The main change was the sentence after the quote; in the revised version I specifically mentioned that the context of the quote was unimportant, since it was only an example to show why these sort of texts are meant for professionals. Another thing I changed was the font after the quote. I had a mistake in my essay since in the rough cut, the font was half Times New Roman, half Arial. The revised draft has all Times New Roman. Furthermore, there is an additional sentence to tell the reader why these texts aren't meant for the ordinary public.
2: The form of this essay is basically the same since I was already satisfied with how the project looked as a whole. The only difference is that this portion had two different fonts in the original draft, while the revised version only has one type of font.
Many of the texts written rely on written mathematical proofs in order to get their claims and ideas across while relying little on actual cultural language that all humans are accustomed to speaking, no matter what nationality they come from. The American Mathematical Society gives a good example of this type of language in one of their journals, Conformal Grafting and Convergence of Fenchel-Nielsen Twist Coordinates: “There exist angles θ± ∞ ∈ S1 such that θ±(s) → θ± ∞ as s → ∞. Proof. Consider the conformal isomorphism ϕ : D \ {0} → C+ as a map into S∞. There is a covering map ψ : D \ {0} → S∞ corresponding to the cusp C+, and ϕ lifts under ψ to a conformal embedding ϕ : D \ {0} → D \ {0}.” (Borgue). The quoted text is, of course, unimportant to understand since it’s only an excerpt to an incredibly complicated mathematical proof that goes beyond normal arithmetic that most people are used to. What’s important is that university professors and mathematicians are dependent on this type of language to communicate their ideas effectively and efficiently; any other language used to communicate this type of language is too inefficient. Furthermore, this language is universal, since most professionals internationally can understand this style of writing no matter what their nationality is. Therefore, this type of text is meant for an audience that can understand this type of writing and topic.
Re-edited Selection:
Many of the texts written rely on written mathematical proofs in order to get their claims and ideas across while relying little on actual cultural language that all humans are accustomed to speaking, no matter what nationality they come from. The American Mathematical Society gives a good example of this type of language in one of their journals, Conformal Grafting and Convergence of Fenchel-Nielsen Twist Coordinates: “There exist angles θ± ∞ ∈ S1 such that θ±(s) → θ± ∞ as s → ∞. Proof. Consider the conformal isomorphism ϕ : D \ {0} → C+ as a map into S∞. There is a covering map ψ : D \ {0} → S∞ corresponding to the cusp C+, and ϕ lifts under ψ to a conformal embedding ϕ : D \ {0} → D \ {0}.” (Borgue). It is unimportant to understand the specific context of this quote, since it’s an excerpt to an incredibly complicated mathematical proof that goes beyond normal arithmetic that most people are used to. What’s important is that university professors and mathematicians are dependent on this type of language to communicate their ideas effectively and efficiently; any other language used to communicate this language is too inefficient according to mathematicians. Furthermore, math is a universal language, since most professionals can understand this style of writing no matter what their nationality is. Therefore, this type of text is meant for an audience that can understand this type of writing and topic. The common person isn’t meant to read this type of writing since it goes beyond their knowledge of math.
1: The content changed since I focused more on what the quote I used was supposed to represent, while the original just focused on what the quote was instead. The main change was the sentence after the quote; in the revised version I specifically mentioned that the context of the quote was unimportant, since it was only an example to show why these sort of texts are meant for professionals. Another thing I changed was the font after the quote. I had a mistake in my essay since in the rough cut, the font was half Times New Roman, half Arial. The revised draft has all Times New Roman. Furthermore, there is an additional sentence to tell the reader why these texts aren't meant for the ordinary public.
2: The form of this essay is basically the same since I was already satisfied with how the project looked as a whole. The only difference is that this portion had two different fonts in the original draft, while the revised version only has one type of font.
Peer Review for Emily Bond
I've never been the best with editing papers, but I'll do my best in expressing my opinions on your essay. To be fair though, overall I enjoyed the piece as a whole.
Content Suggestions
-Probably the biggest thing that I noticed content wise was a lack of reference to your sources and interviewees. I personally felt as though you could've had more solid claims as to what these types of genres actually were if you had more concrete examples
-Probably the thing I liked the most was how the whole essay was organized. Every paragraph and genre felt distinct from one another. If anything, keep that characteristic of your essay in the final draft
-Another thing I would keep are the explanations for each of your genres. I do think adding direct quotes from sources would help elaborate on the genres, but your explanations did a good job as well
Form Suggestions
-Form wise, it's a good looking college essay. The font is good, the layout is good, the heading is good, the works cited page is good. Basically, everything looks like it should
Copy-Editing Suggestions
A gripe that I had with respect to your use of language was an over-reliance on the general picture of your genres. Be more specific and talk about certain journals, textbooks, or pamphlets that pharmacists have made and use it as a mock layout for what these genres are supposed to look like
-Another thing is that I feel as though your conclusion is kind of weak. You did mention a lot of content in your body paragraphs, so I know that finding a fitting conclusion will be difficult, but I felt as though the essay didn't really end on a solid note
Re-design Suggestions
-Design wise it looks good
Content Suggestions
-Probably the biggest thing that I noticed content wise was a lack of reference to your sources and interviewees. I personally felt as though you could've had more solid claims as to what these types of genres actually were if you had more concrete examples
-Probably the thing I liked the most was how the whole essay was organized. Every paragraph and genre felt distinct from one another. If anything, keep that characteristic of your essay in the final draft
-Another thing I would keep are the explanations for each of your genres. I do think adding direct quotes from sources would help elaborate on the genres, but your explanations did a good job as well
Form Suggestions
-Form wise, it's a good looking college essay. The font is good, the layout is good, the heading is good, the works cited page is good. Basically, everything looks like it should
Copy-Editing Suggestions
A gripe that I had with respect to your use of language was an over-reliance on the general picture of your genres. Be more specific and talk about certain journals, textbooks, or pamphlets that pharmacists have made and use it as a mock layout for what these genres are supposed to look like
-Another thing is that I feel as though your conclusion is kind of weak. You did mention a lot of content in your body paragraphs, so I know that finding a fitting conclusion will be difficult, but I felt as though the essay didn't really end on a solid note
Re-design Suggestions
-Design wise it looks good
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